


a real temptation to the eyes

by willowpeak (slythos)



Category: THE9 (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV), 青春有你2, 青春有你2 | Youth With You 2 (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Canon Compliant, F/F, Making Out, Non-Linear Narrative, Vague Relationships, and bxqy if you wanna reach, barely, but just rly rly mild bc its only a few times, xinxue if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24488074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythos/pseuds/willowpeak
Summary: "So... you really want me to kiss you?" Yu Yan points at her lips, shocked.Why does she look so shocked at this?As if she couldn't say it clearly enough. Chengxuan nods with gusto.Yu Yan, Cool Girl Supreme who's kissed who knows how many trainees before this, blushes bright red in the face of Chengxuan's arrant desire.
Relationships: Dai Meng/Yu Yan, Sun Rui/Yu Yan, Yu Yan/Wang Chengxuan, Yu Yan/Zeng Keni
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	a real temptation to the eyes

**Author's Note:**

> it is my greatest regret not paying attention to any cps in the duration of the show, it's too late now to pick crumbs off the floor i alrdy deleted my qcyn2 eps but!! i'm here to pepper some more albeit coming off bittersweet now that none of the tags up there will have interactions outside of the net CRIES. anyways, can you tell i'm trying to live vicariously thru wcx :"> i've always wanted to do this w/ the right cp to keep me going until the end. 
> 
> also, this fic is rly just pretending to be canon compliant when it's just plainly operating on vibes. i'm sorry for the inaccuracies in the timeline! let me know if there's any.
> 
> title plucked from yy's [lion cat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPIMt1bKzwU) song aka it being the lyrics translation that hits me the most. 
> 
> kind of proud of this one! thanks to eyza for the additional wcx infos and credits to @bbxuans and @jzhyuyan on twt for the yywcx translations on these videos: [#1](https://twitter.com/bbxuans/status/1266363333784961024?s=20) & [#2](https://twitter.com/jzhyuyan/status/1264880169442922503?s=20) bc they're the main driving force behind this fic. i kind of mixed them up tgt arbitrarily, that i don't have the excuse for. 
> 
> enjoy!!

“Why do you talk less with me?”

“Huh? I don’t say much to you?”

“Very less because you often joke around with the others, but with me, you’re quieter.” She smiles, the accusatory tone expertly inhumed under it. “You often just look at me.”

“Help.” Yu Yan looks over at the staff, genuinely asking for help. “How do I even answer this question, how do I suitably answer this...”

Chengxuan just wants to know. 

It's not that Chengxuan's been looking... _who is she kidding exactly,_ of course, she is. She's been looking closely; during practice when she's in the room with her, gracing the team with her puissant presence. During dinner, because that's the only time they're all in one place together on a jam-packed day of practice and filming (nobody wants to miss _dinner_ except for those who don't eat. Chengxuan eats, so does her. It’s easy to find her during dinner, she sits with Dai Meng, sometimes Keni. Both very easy to detect in crowds, pretty long necks, and all). On stage, when she sings _Lion Cat_ with a guitar and takes everyone’s breath away. All the time she can afford ever since she walked in through the big doors for the first time in pastel pink and a face wore businesslike to contrast it. In heels, with a luscious hair cascading down her chest.

The impression sticks easily like the strongest glue. 

These days, it’s the bright red hair and the occasional specs...

It's hard not to look. 

In her defense, this habit is not exclusively Chengxuan’s. Everyone else (even Xueer and Jiaqi, arguably the most entrancing trainees around) looks over at Yu Yan more often than not, with gazes ranging from hushed envy to just pure fascination. Yu Yan, who uses a fire extinguisher to work out her bum, Yu Yan, who feeds on nothing but vegetables, Yu Yan who remains unfazed before advertising coercion to ingest thatyogurt drink. (She fakes her sips when the situation calls for it, Chengxuan always finds herself giggling when she does that.) Yu Yan, who bows lower than what’s culturally necessary. She's loud too, on top of that. Shrilly, but she gets away with it. 30% of a training room's screaming comes from her, with the rest a fair distribution among Xiai, Keyin, An Qi sometimes, Dai Meng, and the occasional Xiaotang. (Yuxin often looks exhausted being in the same room as two or more of them, as if she’s the one feeling tired for them.)

She's magnetic in a glacial, silent kind of way, and over the few months they’ve been in the same place together, the instinct to _l_ _ook_ has been infused into Chengxuan. _It's hard not to look_. 

Sometimes in random sweeps, Chengxuan catches Yu Yan looking at her casually too. At times when she thinks she doesn’t notice. Their eyes meet for just a fraction of a second before she looks away with a blink that’s suggestive of a shock to some degree. It always leaves Chengxuan asking, but maybe it’s a normal thing to do. All these pretty girls gathered in one place, you just catch each other looking at one another. 

It’s hardly anything new or weird. 

What’s new to Chengxuan, is catching Yu Yan make out with some of these girls on occasion. First, it’s Keni. It’s always Keni, _known each other for four years Keni,_ which comes off as a shock to her at first because of the two’s disparity in personality. But they’ve been together at some point in the past, along with Keyin, Ziqian... Chengxuan has felt stupidly out of place realizing this, which doesn’t make sense because she isn’t even _in place,_ to begin with. 

The first time is accidental, Chengxuan being coincidentally in the right place (the bathroom) at the right time (before bed), sitting in one of the bathroom stalls to cry over a petty thing about not being able to snatch that center position for _Oh Boy_ , _whatever._ It’ll pass soon, she just needs to let it out and she’s been letting it out for an hour now, her eyes and nose stinging so bad it hurts. The bathroom door swings open and she sniffs silently but with finality, wiping down the last of her tears with her hands. She takes a couple of breaths, nods to herself, represses a fresh wave of tears threatening to drop because _no, that’s enough Chengxuan. You’ll have plenty of chances to make people around you believe in you._ Plenty more. _You just have to do your best._ She fixes her hair, her shirt, her—

“Shhh,” then a giggle. 

Chengxuan stops breathing, waits for another sound. 

A louder laugh erupts from the other side of the stall door, but it’s still a little unclear who owns it. All laughs sound the same to her these past few months except for a notably loud and distinct few, like the laugh that follows which she recognized instantly. 

“What!” Yu Yan laughs, playfully, then another _shhh._

Chengxuan looks down, inspecting her shoes and the space inside the stall, then the space between the floor and the stall door. Too low, too cramped, she couldn’t crouch down to sneak a look. She doesn’t have to peek to know what happens next though, because the next thing she hears is pretty unmistakable. Loud kisses echo in the empty bathroom, wet and sloppy, _how does she know this?_ and her brain goes haywire. She sneaks a peek through the crack of the door anyway and sees exactly what she expects. 

Yu Yan is making out with Keni rather passionately, tucked in between Keni’s arms with her back to the wall. She has her arm snaked around Keni’s unbelievably slim waist, fingertips tapping ghost touches along the flesh under her crop top. 

Chengxuan’s hand flies to her mouth. Then, she clenches it. 

Keni peels away after a soft moan and a tug of her high ponytail, caressing Yu Yan’s hair softly with both of her hands, while Yu Yan’s stay perched around her waist, tracing lazy lines on her toned abs. Keni ducks down to peck a couple more kisses on Yu Yan’s mouth and she shrieks loudly into the kiss, jolting Chengxuan out of her trance and making her close the stall door softly. 

“Don’t be sappy with me now.” Yu Yan’s voice drips honey sweet. “I’m just doing you a favor since you’re missing your secret boyfriend at home.” 

Keni whines. “Please. This is as much a favor to me as it is to you.” 

“Yeah, yeah.”

“How was it, was I good?” Chengxuan could imagine Keni batting her pretty eyes at Yu Yan at this point in their conversation. _Boyfriend. Kissing. Favor._ Chengxuan has to sit on the toilet again. Favors, they’re allowed to have. The other two, well...

She hears Yu Yan’s very distinct snort, then a rush of water hitting the sink. “Not your best, you can do better.”

Keni scoffs. “I’ll show you better.”

Chengxuan closes her eyes as a suggestive silence ensues with nothing but the sound of water running echoing in the bathroom walls. 

“Ah, what a waste,” Yu Yan says a couple of minutes later and turns off the faucet. “Are we done? Let’s head back.”

“Yes!” Keni says enthusiastically. “You better not sneak back in the practice room. You need to rest your body and your skin.”

“My skin is alright, thank you. I’d worry more about myself if I were you for very valid reasons.”

“Yu Yan, you evil meanie!”

The sound of the door closing, then silence. Chengxuan stops breathing, waits for another sound. She hears a sharp sigh cut through the thick silence, a hum that vaguely sounds like the chorus to a Blackpink song, before hearing the door open and close again. 

When Chengxuan steps out, she feels a little faint. Like she just went through an emotional rollercoaster, with gray residue swirling inside her gut she couldn’t find the words for. She stays up until 2 am dancing to _Oh Boy_ in the attempt to do better and to shake off feelings of dejection and other more abrasive things. 

Chengxuan catches Yu Yan with Sun Rui days after that, right before the filming for _Yes! Ok!_ , out in the balcony kissing some tears away. 

“You’re fine,” Yu Yan says in her usual flat tone mixed with a hint of tenderness uncharacteristic of her. It’s the first time Chengxuan heard something so soft out of Yu Yan’s lips, crouching against the wall right next to the door where she can be discovered immediately if either of the two glances her way. She’s kind of accidentally here too. Except she purposefully strayed away from Pinxuan and the rest to follow Yu Yan when she saw her going off somewhere. She ends up sitting here, wearing the schoolgirl uniform, staring at the imaginary “A” on her chest. 

“You’re messing up your make up. Ah, what a crybaby.”

“Hey, I’m older than you!” Sun Rui sniffles. “Why are you here, you’re not good at this.” 

She laughs then cries some more, probably over something so big she couldn’t let other people except Yu Yan see her crying about. Or Yu Yan might just be in the right place, right time situation. That seems more likely. 

“I know,” Yu Yan agrees. “But I have a lot of tissues, so...”

Sun Rui laughs until it imprints into the back of Chengxuan’s mind, a laugh she does when Yu Yan says something unintentionally funny. Chengxuan hears kisses next, and she accidentally licks her lips, daring a momentary peek to see Yu Yan kneeling before Sun Rui, tilting her chin up to better angle the kiss as Sun Rui clutches Yu Yan’s arm for stability. 

Chengxuan crawls away on her fours. 

She stands on the same stage as Yu Yan, later on, just a little behind center Yuxin, with Yu Yan further behind her. She has reveled at the view from the top platform, her eyes likely flashing even more under the bright lights and she tells herself, _you deserve this, enjoy it,_ which she does. _Class A._ Center stage, up there for everyone else to see.It’s a good enough reason not to turn, but she looks at Yu Yan anyway in between takes and sees her gazing down the lower platforms. 

Yu Yan takes Dai Meng next, walking down to the parking lot on a break a few days later. She doesn’t see them kiss but she doesn’t need to, because ever since Sun Rui, whenever she catches sight of Yu Yan with some other girl, she imagines them eloping into some no-camera zone to do their lip-locking business for reasons unknown that keep her up at night. Each time, her limbs feel heavier and her stomach feels tighter for some reason, and she peels away the thin skin of her lips absentmindedly. Keran catches her doing this and offers her a lip balm, which she thanks her for and applies in front of her out of respect, despite being hardly the thing she needs on her lips right now. 

Keni again, a few weeks after that. Mo Han, a day later. Eliwa, the next. Then, Keyin. She’s seeing a pattern here now, staring at the list of girls she makes on a scratch paper and trying to figure out what they have in common: _hot, nice face, nice legs, older than Yu Yan, possible relation outside of QCYN?_

“Whatcha got there?” Xiaowei peeks over her shoulder. Chengxuan yelps, diving down to cover the list with her torso. 

She gives her a mousy smile from the desk. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? It looks like a list,” Xiaowei frowns, cutely. “Is that another list of snacks?”

“That’s it!” Chengxuan grins. “Right.”

“Have you tried _latiao_ yet?”

Chengxuan hums. _Latiao._ “Not yet. What’s that?”

A sweet smile, Xiaowei tugs her arm. “Let’s get you some.”

(“Is this even edible!” Chengxuan complains but grows accustomed to the snack in her mouth, to the smack of chili rolling around her tongue. Xiaowei laughs and gives her some more. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Yu Yan walk by, looking at her with a smile on her lips before trudging down her way. _Fond? Was that a fond smile for some reason?_

“Jiejie,” Chengxuan croaks, eyes tearing up and face red hot. “Water.”) 

“The formation changed since last night,” Chengxuan says, looking at her. 

Yu Yan looks unsettled with her eyes dancing vacantly around. She just got back from a night of painful stomachaches, but she looks more pained about the fact the entire group has left her behind in choreography. For a moment, _for the first time,_ she stands there looking small and lost and doesn’t know what to do. Chengxuan waits a bit for Yu Yan to ask her about the changes but when she continues staring blankly around the floor, her chest clenches, then she clears her throat resolutely. 

“I can teach you,” she says, sheepishly. “If you want.”

Yu Yan looks at her expectantly, and she takes it as a signal to show her everything she missed the night before. Chengxuan does exactly that, pointing at imaginary stand-ins and markers on the floor, explaining how the group shifts and transitions to a new place.

After that quick session, Yu Yan smiles a pleasant trapezoid kind of smile and side hugs her, coolly saying, “Thank you!”

Chengxuan bubbles out a laugh. 

“Okay, since we’re in the topic of rankings and all,” Xiai sucks her teeth. “Let’s do it, top 5 scariest trainees. _At first,_ because you’re all babies in my eyes now.” 

There’s a chorus of complaints and indignance rippling across the shared table at dinner. The last remaining twenty girls have almost every meal together, lining up their tables from one end to another in Xiai’s loud leadership. The table is still long and the far end can still get disconnected at times from the group. Shuxin and her gang usually sit at that part of the table, and at times they can get caught up in their conversation like right now, Xiaotang and Xueer erupt in loud laughter and slaps Shuxin for something she said only the three of them heard. 

“Ms. Xin is pretty scary,” Dai Meng comments loudly, shoving a piece of meat into her mouth. “Also Kong Xueer but only because she’s so beautiful, it’s scary.”

That catches Xueer’s and Shuxin’s attention at the same time, Xueer reacting by laughing shyly behind a hand and Shuxin reengaging into the conversation with a haughty, “Of course, she’s _pretty,_ but she’s a little puppy don’t be scared.” 

Yuxin is sitting next to Chengxuan, so it’s painfully clear to her how fond the smile she passes looking over at Xueer and watching their eyes meet across the table. “I’m not still scary now, am I?”

The table ripples with agreements, as more names get thrown into the discourse. Keran, because of her eyes and calm presence, An Qi, because she looks like she could eat everyone with her talent alone, (“What’s that supposed to mean!” she cries over the laughter and the attempts of amends), _Chen Jue,_ for very obvious reasons. 

_“Xu Jiaqi!”_ yells Xueer, getting caught in the collective hype as they began wildly pointing at others and blurting what makes them scary. “Cool, sexy girl Jiaqi.” (“And that makes me scary?” Jiaqi says, pointing at herself.) 

“Yu Yan, Yu Yan, Yu Yan!” Shuxin chants, “Cool Girl Supreme, Yu Yan!”

At this point, Chengxuan passes a look over at Yu Yan silently reveling in the chaos unfolding in front of her, embarrassed as Keyin starts bringing up the incident at the reception, “No really, she looks like she’s ready to send in the troops to kidnap us. Even, Kun was scared!”

Yu Yan laughs it all off, collapsing into Keni’s side. 

Keran says from her side, “Yu Yan is the scariest among all of us. Everyone thinks so.”

She sees Yuxin nod at her enthusiastically and well, except Chengxuan, because scared was the last thing she felt for Yu Yan the first time she saw her. 

At sunrise when she decided to go on a jog, she finds Yu Yan with Zihan out under a tree in the garden. This stings extra strong because Zihan is next on her _LIST OF TRAINEES THAT IS YU YAN’S TYPE_ based on the data she had gathered, which means she had the pattern figured out. She backtracks so hard she almost tripped on her own feet and abandons all of her plans of morning jogging in the future. 

It turns out Yu Yan has a type, and it’s everyone but her. 

"It's because I see you as a child," she answers smoothly when asked why she talks less with Chengxuan yet talk so rowdy with the other girls. Asks what she thinks of _her_. The answer comes off with the right blend of suave and sheepish – which is _adorable_ in a fuller sense and so... _Yu Yan_ – as if it didn't just drop a huge stone on Chengxuan's heart. "The other girls are my age so I can joke with them more openly but with you, I'm afraid I'll say something wrong and make you upset."

Chengxuan nods in understanding, and smiles, _that's right, smile._ "No, I think you want to talk to me but you're just shy." 

Yu Yan covers her face with the clipboard again. She does that a lot, shrinking in her seat and covering her face whenever Chengxuan says something she doesn’t expect, like tiny, point-blank observations such as this one. But she only ever shrinks around Chengxuan, as if she knows Chengxuan looks at her and she doesn’t want to be seen anymore.

Chengxuan makes a long spiel about how Yu Yan should not worry about unnecessary stuff, that she shouldn’t feel scared of her, (Yu Yan is _scared_ of _her._ Not really, she’s more _scared_ of saying the wrong stuff to her, _adorable_ ) that Yu Yan doesn’t have to worry about hurting her. She can never hurt her, she knows this. She’s gotten closer to Yu Yan now that the competition is close to the end, the distance between them shrinks as few girls remain. They often practice together despite being in separate groups, take breaks together. They sit together during that night party, and it’s nice to be on the front row seats to see Yu Yan loosen herself up and lose herself during times she genuinely enjoys. 

Chengxuan likes it, the way she’s can finally think of herself in place, within Yu Yan’s orbit. She shouldn’t think of her like some fragile girl she can’t be herself with. Because she can. Chengxuan has seen some things that strangers nor mere acquaintances don’t usually see. She sees past her initial, possibly instinctive cold, hard shell she presents. When she sings her song onstage, Chengxuan can see the _real_ Yu Yan, gentle yet shy to its admittance, warm and cool at the same time. _Beautiful._

Chengxuan’s lips hurt so bad that night from smiling too much. 

“I drew a sun because whenever I look at Chengxuan, she smiles very brightly.”

_Oh, I do?_

“Her innocence and child-like traits make me feel like a sunflower. That’s why I’m always stealing glances at her like she’s the sun.” Yu Yan smacks her lips, tries to think of the next thing to say. “Her warmth and innocence also make me feel a sense of childishness too. I hope she’ll always be in that state, always shining brightly.” 

Chengxuan curls up, giddy. _Oh. That’s why._

“I drew a lion, guitar, and microphone,” Chengxuan says, “You played the guitar and sang during the party night, right? I really liked how you looked onstage...” 

_I really do._

“...making people feel like you’re really gentle. It’s hard for you to show your gentleness to everyone. And your hair was red and curly. And when you smile it’s like a t-shape.”

Yu Yan laughs and points at her sketchbook. “The drawing is so similar to me!”

_Ha._

“Although everyone thinks you’re really fierce like a lion,” Chengxuan glances her way. “you’re actually very gentle.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, satisfied. 

The balcony is famous for being everyone’s favorite crying spot. For good reason too; open space, cool air, good view, you can cry and pretend you’re starring in a music video at once, but away from the prying cameras. By all accounts, it trumps the second most popular place which is the bathroom. It’s almost always occupied by two or more girls at any given break time so it surprises Chengxuan to find Yu Yan loitering on the balcony on her own. (She should be with a girl, taking advantage of this opportunity. _Isn’t it a romantic spot to_... then again, it’s not her business. She may have been a frequent witness of this business, but that doesn’t mean it’s hers.)

“Hi,” Chengxuan greets, draping her arms over the railings. 

Yu Yan jolts a little, snapping out of deep thought and engages her with a soft, “Hi.” 

They exchange a few formality questions, _“Have you eaten?”, “Yes, I have, thank you. Have you? It’s bad to skip meals.”, “Yes, I’m done too.”_ until they fall into silence. 

“You draw very well, by the way,” Yu Yan says randomly, breaking it. “The lion and the guitar.”

“Ah.”

“That was very good.” Says Yu Yan who drew their mentors really cutely during that one time. “You really have talent.”

Chengxuan laughs at her best attempts to make this easy for the both of them, finds Yu Yan trying, _endearing._ But then again, isn’t she always is? “You’re too kind, jiejie.”

“Does it bother you when I look at you?” asks Yu Yan, after a while. 

_“No,”_ when it comes off a little too strongly, Chengxuan shakes her head and her hand. “No, no, it’s not that. I mean... you can talk to me freely too.”

“You look at me too,” Yu Yan says, a small smile threatening her lips. “How else would you know I look at you?”

Her neck flares up warm, suddenly. “Yes, that’s right.” Chengxuan nods. _A lot, actually,_ but she doesn’t say it. 

There are no bands around her wrist this time, her tattoos on full display. Tattoos are not usually indicative of good character, there’s a lot of bad image centered around inking the skin. Even more so, with women. But Chengxuan can hardly imagine Yu Yan outside the Yu Yan she sees right now; tranquil yet pulsing with so much power and ambition and an aura domineering at first glance, _real._ The tattoos fit into place, in hindsight. But that’s hardly indicative of something negative, right? 

Yu Yan turns to her and sees her inspecting her wrists. She chuckles shyly, opening her palms to show fancy scripts written in dark ink gracing across fair skin. Chengxuan reaches out a finger, feeling Yu Yan tense under her touch. She looks up, smiling. Yu Yan smiles back, then looks away to smile a little bit wider.

“Do you find me cute, _jiejie,”_ Chengxuan says softly, just a hint of additional effort to be cute at that last word and Yu Yan breaks into nervous laughter, extracting herself away from her as if she’s been stung. 

She says, a few steps away, “Chengxuan is always cute, but please don’t do this to me.”

Chengxuan’s grin widens at the rush of new power, saccharine sweet dripping at the sides of her mouth. She doesn’t wanna say she enjoys making Yu Yan flee because she couldn’t take Chengxuan, but _who is she kidding._ She does enjoy this. 

“Then... why don’t you kiss me too?”

Yu Yan blinks at her, brows raised. “Huh?”

“Why don’t you kiss me too, jiejie?” She casts her eyes down. “I’ve seen you kiss the others. I can understand why you joke around with them more, _I know that._ You told me why but... you don’t have to be just as worried about kissing me too.”

“What are you talking about...” Yu Yan tries to laugh it off but when Chengxuan doesn’t let up, she clears her throat and assumes her position next to her at the railings. “You’ve seen me with the others?”

Chengxuan nods. “Accidentally! I just happened to be around at the right moment and...”

Yu Yan thinks about it, then sighs. “Then I guess I’m not as good as hiding it if you know too.”

“I’m not the only one?”

“No.” Yu Yan chuckles. “Why else do you think a lot of girls go to me?” 

Chengxuan frowns. “I’m not sure I understand.”

She looks at her like she’s looking at a child, Chengxuan kind of hates that look. _She’s not a child._ She acts like one on occasion, yes, but she tries so hard to be direct and outward with Yu Yan and all she sees is a naïve little girl. It’s kind of frustrating. 

“These girls are lonely. And confused, and...” she makes a vague gesture with her hand and looks down at her wrists. “It’s Keni’s fault. She started it. I couldn’t say no. Hmm, maybe I don’t want to say no. Then, it got around.”

Chengxuan isn’t sure if she gets the most part but she thinks at least, she understands the gist of it. She understands there’s another layer to the Yu Yan at her side, the “I’m down to clown” kind of layer that’s done out of the kindness of her heart. And maybe sadness too, even the slightest, seeing as she’s willing to do it maybe she’s trying to quell some sadness of her own as well. 

What Chengxuan has isn’t exactly unhappiness. She’s having the time of her life actually, with each day introducing new opportunities for her to be a better Wang Chengxuan, to do her best, to soak in the energies and talents other than her own, hoping these will permeate into her, to deal with her emotions more maturely and calmly, peppered with a few grains of fear now and then but hey, that’s part of the huge stew of life, isn’t it? That’s what makes it all exciting and worth looking forward to every day. She thinks that’s why people think she’s so pure and bright, there’s a lot of positivity powering up each smile. Chengxuan likes that about herself. 

It’s not sadness. What she feels right now, this very moment is something else that needs to be quenched. 

“The crew doesn’t know of course,” Yu Yan chirps, still looking at the horizon of flickering city lights. “That’d be another pain in the ass.” She grimaces at this. “You wouldn’t tell, right?”

Chengxuan shakes her head, _of course, she won’t._

“Good.” Yu Yan reaches out to ruffle her hair like she does that one time when she got A. (“That’s very good,” she remembers her saying. “So proud.”) 

Chengxuan holds her wrist and brings it down. “I won’t tell if you would just...”

Yu Yan looks taken aback, lazy eyes baring razor-sharp edges in a blink of an eye. “Is that a threat?” 

“No, no,” Chengxuan blushes, _pouts._ “I’m not! It’s not...”

"So... you _really_ want me to kiss you?" Yu Yan points at her lips, shocked.

 _Why does she look so shocked at this?_ As if she couldn't say it enough. Chengxuan nods with gusto. 

Yu Yan, Cool Girl Supreme who's kissed who knows how many trainees before this, blushes bright red in the face of Chengxuan's arrant desire. It’s the first time she does and Chengxuan feels that powerful rush again, tugging at the ends of her lips into a wide smile.

“Okay,” Yu Yan replies, still a little red, still a little speechless. “ _Okay.”_

Chengxuan beams and closes her eyes. Yu Yan laughs beyond the dark, says the word, “cute” under her breath as if Chengxuan couldn’t hear it. Or maybe she wants her to hear it, anyway... 

She pulls her close, Chengxuan obliges with a lousy step forward. Yu Yan takes her hand and puts it on her hips, raises her chin just a little bit. Her eyes are still closed at this point, maybe that’s why Yu Yan is still laughing breathlessly. She cracks her eyes open. 

“What?” Chengxuan asks, realizes they’re so close, _so close,_ and Yu Yan’s still reddening nose is almost an inch away. 

“My eyes keep crossing on their own, maybe I should close my eyes too.”

Chengxuan breathes out a laugh, this is why she wants Yu Yan so bad, _she’s funny effortlessly, she laughs at the smallest, most random things, and..._

Oh.

The feeling of her lips against hers overpowers every single thought in her brain before this and it’s all she can think about. 

Chengxuan has kissed a few boys her age before. But boys don’t give in kisses. They take and push, think you like it and push and take some more. They feign gentleness if they can afford it, then it’s their blind desire from then on. With Yu Yan, it’s different. She pecks, careful, _asking_ how Chengxuan wants it, lets her take the lead. She does this a lot, when she practices with Chengxuan she lets her pick which part she wants them to work on. Lets her play which song she wants when they take a five-minute break. Lets her drag her down the cafeteria for a quick snack even if she doesn’t usually eat them. Yu Yan allows her to take the lead and Chengxuan does, letting her blind desire to take over. Yu Yan catches on, syncing her eagerness with her sweet experience and honed sweep of the tongue. She’s overwhelming, but it’s more because Chengxuan couldn’t believe _this is happening_ right now. From her scent to her touches, to the fact that her hand is snaking the back of Chengxuan’s neck to support her, lightly tugging some strands. Sharply contrasting her hesitant kisses at first, but even then her skills are apparent in the wary way she dances around Chengxuan’s lips. _Tender,_ that’s the word. Careful. As to not overwhelm her completely.

Yu Yan is a good kisser, a _really good_ kisser, that’s why the girls keep coming back for more. Keni, Dai Meng, Sun Rui... The finger under Chengxuan’s chin raises and she takes her deeper, deeper than she’s ever been before. Chengxuan follows suit completely, shutting down all her senses to better focus on her lips on hers. 

At one point, her teeth graze her lips, and Chengxuan gasps into the kiss, Yu Yan immediately pulls back, eyes wide in alarm. “What, what did I hurt you? What—”

Chengxuan stands on her tiptoes and presses their lips together, with as much assurance she can relay. _No,_ she thinks as she deepens the kiss, _you can never hurt me._

Chengxuan doesn’t tell Yu Yan about her mother picking her among the clump of trainees in the show because asking for a kiss was embarrassing enough. Telling Yu Yan about it would be... ah, akin to asking her into the family, isn’t it? Chengxuan doubts her mother would be against it though. 

The base of her neck up to her head burns every time she thinks about it. Keran sees her mental breakdowns silently manifesting through blushing at random times that she's starting to get worried about her. 

“Ah, what a baby,” Yu Yan says flatly yet just as fondly, _how does she manage this balance?_ as she dabs the tissue on the side of Chengxuan’s eyes. “Ah, how can you still be so cute and pretty, hmm?”

Chengxuan laughs at this, sniffling. “Congratulations on debuting, jiejie. You deserve it.”

"I haven't debuted yet though," Yu Yan smiles. She glints under the stage lights, her usual calm and cool demeanor barely suppressing her pride and triumphant from the moment she walked down the aisle in strong strides. She shines here, more than she has ever shone before, a picture almost too perfect to be true. “But thank you, baby." 

When Chengxuan doesn't stop shedding tears, Yu Yan takes her into a half-hug and whispers calming words into her ears. "You're cute like that but please don't cry anymore, okay?"

She could've seen her shine more outside this show. _She was so close_. 

And Chengxuan’s suddenly reminded of Yu Yan’s song, a stray melody drifting at the back of her head. A mellow tale of the untamed beast and its retracted claws, and its kitten-like playfulness emerging in the face of desire. 

Yu Yan stands there in front of her, onstage, in calm contrast with the people around her high from both euphoria and pride. Confetti rains down on them, fans fill the air with screams of their names. Yu Yan claps softly, catching that one confetti, crouching down to touch the stage for the last time. Chengxuan thinks this is okay, _this is good_ _._ Yu Yan is the happiest before her true love and expresses it in her unique way.

Chengxuan feels she's the happiest too, in this very moment, behind hers. 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think! :D  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/naughtilyx) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/meoksin)


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